Reflection

As I take this week and I prepare myself to run my third marathon I have taken the time to reflect upon the past year and what it has brought me.

It’s true I went through some pretty rough times this past year, M moved out of our apartment and I for the first time ever I found myself living on my own and this was a very scary thought to me since I have always had a roommate. Much to my surprise I enjoy the freedom of living on my own.  

Though this year brought me hardships and heartbreak it also brought me amazing friends and new experiences.

I truly believe that I got through all the hardships that were thrown at me this past year because of running and the friends I have made through running. Running instilled in me the confidence and determination I needed to make it through this past year.  

There were so many days I found myself laying on my bathroom floor crying my eyes out in full backslide mode and then I would look at my running shoes and they would be screaming at me to put them on and I would go for a run and my head would be more clear and my heart would be less heavy. There were days I would run until no more tears could fall from my eyes. Running was my safe place, my haven.

Now as I set out on my third marathon I find my heart heavy again. Not because of sadness this time but because of joy, pure joy from the support I am getting from every one of you. It is because of your support, your love and your acceptance that I have been able to push forward through this year and come out on top.

I can’t wait to cross the finish line at Nike again. Not just because of the firefighters or because of the Tiffany’s necklace but because of that feeling of joy you can only get from accomplishing a task months in the making. It is true what they say, running is a lesson in life because you get out of it what you put in.

See you all on the start line.  

Coming Full Circle

This past year has been an astounding ride for me. This week marks exactly one year since I ran my very first marathon, The Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco.

In 11 days I will once again be standing on the start line of the NWM in SF. Nothing is going to be more amazing than to be there with my two wonderful running companions, Karen and Elizabeth.

Last year at this time we were arriving in San Fran ready for the excitement that Nike had waiting for us.

This will be my third marathon ever. I am experiencing extreme burnout. Somewhere along the road this year I lost that love and desire to run and in so many ways that makes me sad and it hurts me because running was my safe place, my haven, my place to go when the world didn't make sense.

Running is what saved me from myself, it is what gave me the courage to pull out of destructive behavior and it is what gave me the courage to be happy and be in love with who I am. The other day a friend said to me maybe you no longer have that same love and joy for running you once did because you no longer need running to survive.

I've made the tough decision to pull back from marathons for the time being. I have not given up on my dream to one day run in the Boston Marathon but at the moment I need a break. A lot has happened in my life in the past year and I believe that right now I need to devote less time to running and more time to other activities that are helping me in my recovery journey.

Lately I have been doing a lot of climbing. There is a rush I get from climbing the side of a mountain. When you get to the summit enjoying the majestic view you could never get from the ground. It’s been an incredible experience and much like running I have been able to learn new things about myself, about my determination, my strength and my love for having new experiences.

I’ll one day return to training for and running marathons and I’ll chase that Boston goal once again but for now I need to step back, reevaluate my goals, make new ones and once again find that love of running.