To all my overachievers…

As I sit here going on hour 17 of my day I’m completing yet another paper, looking at flights and trying to decide when I’ll see Josh again plus trying responding to the last round of emails for the day, I can’t help but wonder what my fellow classmates are doing right now.

I’m the judgemental type so I’ll make my judgements; the party animals are probably finishing up their last round of shots at Cowboys, the slackers have been enjoying their typical 10-hour of staring into the abyss and the Netflix addicts are most likely headed into their fifth episode of “The Good Wife.”

Then, there’s me. But thankfully I’m not alone in this category!

There are lots of me’s out there, I can name at least 15 of you and I met all of you from the last campaign I volunteered on. We are the neurotically motivated, unsympathetically determined, “can’t stop won’t stop” people who spend our days assessing an endless list of obligations and fighting the urge to bite off way more than we can chew.

We are the overachievers.

We accept challenges, explore opportunities and strive to exceed expectations. We lead (even though if you are like me you probably don’t want to), we volunteer and we do more than what is asked of us - provided it gets the task at hand completed. 

Sounds like too much! 

Only to those of you who watch us and feel dizzy!

If you ask us why we decide to put so much on our plates, you’ll probably hear different answers.

Some will say they were raised to be this way, others will claim it’s their own stubborn motivation and some will have absolutely no idea it just happened. 

Honestly, if you asked any of my high school teachers they will tell you I wasn’t an overachiever, I sat in the back of the class half bored not paying attention. They’ll tell you they didn’t except me to achieve much. Maybe I’m an overachiever because I want to prove everyone wrong. I want to prove that I am greater then anyone could have ever anticipated, I wan more for my life then ever thought possible. 

I think people like us are built over time. We work hard to get into university and once we are there we don’t let the next years pass by, we get out our organizers and get involved, chase opportunities and dedicate our time to becoming hardworking, multitasking, college-educated, ambitious humans. 

We make the most of what we’re given and consistently strive for more. A wise person once told me “That the hand we are given isn't the hand we have to play with our whole lives”. I am thankful for that lesson! Oh so thankful. 

No responsibility is too large, no task is too much and no deadline is too soon. We have it covered most of the time but don't shy away from buying us coffee. 

Once we begin volunteering for every open position, taking on leadership roles and offering favours, it’s not always easy to stop. It is our drug!

We know people depend on us, and our biggest fear is letting them down.

We continue adding items to the to-do list and do our best to complete them because nothing feels better then crossing items off our list, all this while trying to maintain our sanity.

There are many late nights, lots of coffee - my veins are now made of coffee - and moments of pure exhaustion, but we keep swimming, never stop swimming. 

To all my overachievers…

Know your hard work is recognized. Others notice the things you do and appreciate the effort you put in. I spent a lot of my life thinking people didn’t notice but believe me, they do!

Don’t forget to take care of yourself in the process! 

Focus on what matters and aim to achieve the happiness you rightly deserve.

Time to Heal

It’s been a long time since I posted.. basically over a year.

I’ve gone through so much this past year. Torn ankle ligament, torn meniscus and torn hip flexor - these injuries have thrown a huge wrench in my training; but my biggest wrench occured In July 2014 - when I was sexually assaulted.

It feels freeing to finally admitted it, finally speak it! I don’t think I’ve actually spoken those words officially since the day I met with the investigator. I think I was so afraid to say them because I would fear people would think differently of me, I feared people would look at me like I was broken, fragile, frail. I want you to know I'm not broken but I'm strong. 

I believe being sexually assaulted prevented me from running more than my injuries did. It hurt more than tearing any ligament in my body. It hurt more than breaking any bone. It hurt my heart and soul.

As you runners understand running is mental; you hit a distance and you get a flood of emotion, you feel every hurt, every up, every down, every tinge of pain. Your emotions are heightened. Feeling this prevented me from running anything more than 4 miles. 

I don’t want to get into all the details. I’m still not ready to talk about that nor do I think I ever will be  fully ready.

What I want to discuss is healing, my healing.

I felt so terribly broken. I felt destroyed. I felt violated. I felt that all the goodness in me had been taken away. I felt so unhappy. Yet I hid this away from the everyone, I put a smile on my face daily and continued life as you all know it but deep inside a darkness was taking over my happy place and making me feel worthless, small.

That day I changed, I became a different person. Someone stole a piece of me I’ll never be able to get back. They stole a happiness that lives in me. They stole my self worth.

One year ago I learned that not all people are good people but there is still good people in the world.

These past few weeks I’ve managed to lace up my running shoes more often and I’ve even tackled a 10 mile run.

I’ve decided it's time to get back out there and I'm currently training for a full marathon .. I’m ready to put this past year behind me and get out on the trails again.

My runs have been nothing less than emotional but in the emotion I'm finding joy. In the pain I'm finding relief. I'm finally starting to admit what happened to me and I truly believe admitting it is the first step in moving past it. 

I am getting back to the person I once was. The happy, determined, fun Tiara. 

Greatness is Within...

I have injured myself… again. It is confirmed that I have a tear in my right calf muscle. How bad the tear is we are not yet 100% sure I still need to go for a diagnostic ultrasound so they can see the damage I have done.

In the last 24 hours I have felt a variety of emotions from sadness to anger and then to fear. Last night I was sitting on my couch crying and saying to Mike “Why do I have to strive for greatness, why can’t I just be happy with completing a marathon why is it that I want to train to Boston qualify and to obtain elite status”! I can’t really answer that all I know is I was born with the overachiever gene and I never do anything halfhearted, it is all or nothing.

I tweeted earlier today “There is no injury in mediocrity, why can't I settle for being less than great”, and than I received a tweet from @TheLostGrad “Ain’t no injuries, but there damn sure ain’t no Glory either!!” It was this that made me realize how much of a wimp I am being. Yes I have an injury, is it the end of the world, NO!!

I thought back to Nike’s Find Greatness campaign along with a commercial that was aired at the Olympics this last summer  and they made me realize that setback happen, obstacles jump in our way but it how we overcome those obstacles and setbacks that prove if we are truly great or not.

"Now here's the reality of it. You don't want to be walking off with any regrets. 

Be annoyed. Go cry. You're on the line between breaking point and breaking through.

In struggle, you'll find strength. 

Now get over that line! Dig for that extra inch!

Take the best you can do! And do better! 

Every second is a moment in time. But this second is a moment in history."

Last night I felt like my dream to run was Boston was slipping out of my hands. I felt like throwing in the towel and giving up. This morning brought me a fresh new prospective. I might be out for a few weeks I might lose a little bit of my endurance in the short run but in the long run I am going to come back and I am going to come back stronger and faster than ever because there is greatness inside of me and I am not going to allow a little injury get in my way of qualifying for Boston.

I have given myself an hour to grieve over my lost training and my calf and now I am ready to fight, ready to do everything in my power to heal and come back strong.

I have to change up my training a little bit. My physio said once I am healed I will have to reduce mileage and speed for a period of time until I am back to normal but my physio is amazing and has always gotten me back on my feet in better condition than before I started seeing him.

Today I found greatness within myself, greatness that was always there but I didn’t realize was there, today I am a stronger person than I was yesterday.