Coming Full Circle

This past year has been an astounding ride for me. This week marks exactly one year since I ran my very first marathon, The Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco.

In 11 days I will once again be standing on the start line of the NWM in SF. Nothing is going to be more amazing than to be there with my two wonderful running companions, Karen and Elizabeth.

Last year at this time we were arriving in San Fran ready for the excitement that Nike had waiting for us.

This will be my third marathon ever. I am experiencing extreme burnout. Somewhere along the road this year I lost that love and desire to run and in so many ways that makes me sad and it hurts me because running was my safe place, my haven, my place to go when the world didn't make sense.

Running is what saved me from myself, it is what gave me the courage to pull out of destructive behavior and it is what gave me the courage to be happy and be in love with who I am. The other day a friend said to me maybe you no longer have that same love and joy for running you once did because you no longer need running to survive.

I've made the tough decision to pull back from marathons for the time being. I have not given up on my dream to one day run in the Boston Marathon but at the moment I need a break. A lot has happened in my life in the past year and I believe that right now I need to devote less time to running and more time to other activities that are helping me in my recovery journey.

Lately I have been doing a lot of climbing. There is a rush I get from climbing the side of a mountain. When you get to the summit enjoying the majestic view you could never get from the ground. It’s been an incredible experience and much like running I have been able to learn new things about myself, about my determination, my strength and my love for having new experiences.

I’ll one day return to training for and running marathons and I’ll chase that Boston goal once again but for now I need to step back, reevaluate my goals, make new ones and once again find that love of running.

Calgary Marathon Recap - I am a Sub 4 Marathoner

So May 26, 2013 came and went, the day I ran the Calgary Marathon.

The week leading up to my marathon I had all kinds of emotions floating around, what if I don’t hit my goal, what if I hit my goal, what if I totally flake out and have to take a DNF, what if I don’t even start! My mind was driving me insane!!

Tuesday I woke up and had a really bad sore throat and cough and I was like oh my gosh this can’t be happening to me right now I cannot be getting sick. I spent the week willing myself to be better.

Saturday I went to bed and I surprisingly slept through the night, well after I managed to fall asleep because I think I spent a good two hours having a coughing attack.

Sunday morning I woke and I was nervous as heck. I was having trouble getting food into me and I could hardly tie my shoe laces because my hands kept shacking and I couldn't stop coughing. I made my way down to the start line and all that was going through my head was one foot in front of the other. I found the 3:30 pace bunny and I decided that if I could keep pace with him I would be make my time goal no problem. As the starting gun went off I said to myself “Tiara focus, this is just a run”! As we passed the first km mark I looked down to see my pace and thought to myself oh my gosh this pace bunny is going wayyyy too fast we are running a 7’48” mile. Everything was going great for me on the run until I hit the very first BIG hill and then things started going terribly wrong my left hamstring started cramping up and I was kicking myself for skipping water stations and I was having trouble breathing through my coughing fits! So I made the decision to stop running through the water stations and walk through them to get Gatorade into me instead of all over me. 

Upon coming up on the 10km mark I looked down at my watch and saw that I had slowed down a great deal and was now running an 8’12” and was not on target to hit my Boston Qualifying time rather I was about 2 minutes off from my target time. Instead of beating myself up I told myself that I still had 32 km’s to make up this time and to keep pushing forward. At the halfway point I looked at my time and I realized that I was 6 minutes off my Boston pace and this caused me to have a little bit of a break down, or a 5 minute cry session. I started crying right there in the middle of the race and almost decided to pull out because I was not going to hit my goal and then somewhere deep down my own voice was yelling at me “Tiara you have this, you are still on pace to run a sub 4 marathon and even better you are still going to set a personal best for yourself” I forced myself to keep running. As my body started to fatigue and as it wanted to give up I told myself keep running you will hit a water station in 3 km’s and you can walk through it but you have to keep running to the next water station.

As I entered Memorial drive my common lunch time running area I had 10km’s left to go and I said to myself “Tiara this is your area, this is where you need to own the race” I knew my legs were sore and I knew I wanted to stop running so I started biting my lip to focus the pain elsewhere and I kept pushing myself. I made it through Memorial and had 3km’s left to go when a TNT coach came up to me grabbed me by the hand and told me I was doing great, I started crying and said “I needed to finish 5 minutes ago to hit my time goal” he said "I know you did but you know what keep running because you are going to PB and that is the most important thing, today wasn’t your day but maybe tomorrow is, there is always another run”. 

As I entered my last two km’s I so badly wanted to just walk the rest of the way and someone from behind me came put her hand on my back and said “I have been chasing you almost the entire way, you are my motivation and my inspiration keep running because you are going to sub 4 this” and all of a sudden I hit a second wind and my legs wanted to move. As I entered the finishing shoot I saw my mom standing there waving at me and cheering me on and I knew I had the drive in me to do a sub 4. As I crossed the finish line I looked at my time and it read 3:57:55 and I was disappointed in myself for not hitting my BQ but also so proud of myself for finishing a marathon in under 4 hours.

As the results rolled in yesterday I realized that I had finished in the top 10 in my division and was even more proud of myself. Top 10 finish in my division is incredible.

One aspect of the Calgary Marathon I loved was that our name was wrote on our bibs so as we were running through the communities and people were out on their lawns cheering us on you would hear a random “Go Tiara” “You got this Tiara” “Run Strong Tiara” and hearing my name it would push me to push harder and faster!! It was great community support and it made me love Calgary even more.

Now it is time to refocus my goals and push to Boston Qualify in Edmonton on August 25. It’ll be my last chance to qualify for Boston for 2014 and I am even more determined now to hit this goal. I have the endurance I know I can run the 26.2 miles now it is time to work on maintaining my speed!

Do you have any advice for me as I start training for Edmonton? Have you qualified for Boston, if so what advice can you give me for race day? Or even for training?

Hope you continue joining me on this wonderful journey to Boston. 

Training Runs are Learning Runs

Yesterday marked April 1 and that means that my marathon is slowly creeping up on me. In so many ways I am nervous. I have set myself up for a pretty big goal and I don't want to be disappointed in myself. Boston is an extraordinary dream for me.

I keep having this recurring dream where I am running the Calgary Full and I get lost on the course and I find my way back after about a mile but I am crossing the finish line and the time on the timer says “3:35:02” I just fall into a heap of tears on the ground because I missed my qualifying time by 2 one hundredths of a second. All that hard work down the drain.

I am learning to trust in my training. This past weekend I ran my furthest distance since running my first full in October. I ran 19 miles!!

The night before my run I was really nervous, due to my calf injury I was out for a week and so I lowered my carb intake to accommodate this. My first few runs back were kind of tough but I still managed a sub 8 on both of them. My physio and I decided that I wouldn't be running any of my long distances at a sub 8 rather a sub 9 to prevent any further complications with my calf.

200 miles even with a week of no running

I set out for my 19 miles Saturday morning with the sun at my back and knowing that Lauren would be waiting for me at mile 13 to run the last 5 miles with me. Going out I had to stop a few times due to tightness in my calf but nothing serious. I was still running a 8’16”/average mile and was happy with this. It won’t get me a Boston but I know I would run faster on race day.

On our way back Lauren and I hit the HUGE hill in Sandy Beach and normally I can run this hill but this time I had to walk it and from this point on I felt sick and exhausted. I was nauseous and my body was starting to get really cold even though it was beautiful outside. My watch was still ticking away at the time and I didn't want to ruin my average pace so I kept trekking along with Lauren at my side. Around a mile out my watch died and so did I. The wall was too thick for me to break through and I had no other choice but to walk the remaining distances.

Phone died at mile 15.6, where I was getting weak.

I was disappointed with myself and a little angry for not being strong enough to make it through the entire 19 miles. I was mad that I allowed myself to hit the wall, but training runs are training runs. They are not just for training our bodies to run the distance but they are also training for us to learn how to hydrate and fuel properly.

I learned that after mile 17 shot bloks are no longer useful for me. I start taking shot bloks within the first 20 minutes of a run and thereafter every 20-30 minutes I take in blok. This was working for me on my 17 mile less runs but it didn't work for this last run. I think on these longer runs I need more than just shot bloks. This week I am going to cut a bagel up into bite size pieces and when I take a shot blok I will also take a piece of bagel. Hopefully this gives me the energy to fully get through my 20 mile run.

As for hydration, I have no idea why I got so dehydrated. I take in about 2-3 sips of water every mile or so. I allow myself to take water when I need it, but when I got Lauren at the tech shop I was salty and when I got back to the car I was super salty. Meho said I looked kind of like a refuge with the salt caked on my body. I need to find a way to replenish the salt I am losing on these long runs because I only carry water in my camel back but I know I should be in taking electrolytes also.

These runs are learning experiences and for every failure I have on a long run I will turn into a success on race day. 

I have to thank Lauren for getting me through those last 5. They were slow and not very promising but she pulled me through!! I am glad to have such awesome friend. 

What works for you on long runs? What type of energy do you intake? What type of fuel do you use and ho

w often do you hydrate? Leave me a comment or a tweet @TiaraBeth.

Tips that Motivate Me to Run

1. GET A NEW PAIR OF RUNNING SHOES. Honestly, getting a new pair of running shoes get me out the door. I love trying them out and seeing how they feel and I love mixing them with my different running outfits. If I am totally struggling to get out there I get a new pair of shoes.

2. RUNNING QUESTIONS "Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp, or are you going to be strong today?'" --Peter Maher, two-time Olympic marathoner from Canada.

3. GET OFF THE CEMENT. It's hard to stay motivated with shinsplints, or knee pain, so get off the pavement for a few run and try trail running or get on a track and try working your speed.

4. LOOK TO THE PAST. I have days where I need to focus on a race I did or another good to run get me out the door.

5. SIGN UP FOR A MARATHON having a goal always gets me into training mode, it also gets me eating cleaner. Find a marathon and sign up for one!!

6. THINK FAST. On my long runs I like to split it in half in my head. I tell myself “Ok Tiara you can run these 7 miles easy than when I get to my 7 mile half way point I tell myself ok now get back as fast as you can.” It pushes me but also gets my long mileage in and builds my fast endurance at the same time.

7. GOOD-TO-GO PLAYLIST Download songs that will keep you going. My current favorites are Rhinna, Elli Goulding and Florance and the Machine.

8. FIND A NEW PATH. I find that running the same path all the time can get monotonous so for my long runs I try every so often to find a new path to run I map it out using MapMyRuns.com and I go. Using a new path tends to slow me down though as I need to get used to a new route but it is nice to change it up every so often.   

9. RUNNING COMMENTARY "No one can say, 'You must not run faster than this or jump higher than that.' The human spirit is indomitable." --Sir Roger Bannister, the first man to run a sub-four-minute mile

10. THE BOSTON MARATHON is a year away. Think you can get there? (Go to www.baa.org for qualifying times.) Than you can run with me! When I run my long runs and I start to get tired I repeat to myself “You are Training to Qualify for Boston” it keeps me going.

11. READ THIS The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner, a short story by Alan Sillitoe, tells the tale of a rebellious youth in a reformatory who runs in solitude and makes a stand against a system he doesn't believe in. You'll have new appreciation for the power of solo runs.

12. PLAY IN THE STREET. Skip a dreaded track workout for a fartlek (Swedish for "speed play") session. After 10 minutes of easy jogging, run hard between two telephone poles, and then slow down until you pass two dogs. Then see if you can beat the next person you meet up with to a distant destination, followed by a jog to the next bridge. There are no set rules, so make it up as you go along. These are my favorite and help me get through those long runs.

13. THE BATHROOM can wait till the sun goes down. Your tempo run can't so get those shoes on and hit the road.

14. RUN AT LUNCH. Daniel Sheil, a marathon coach in Portland, Oregon, recommends lunchtime runs for two reasons: (1) You get your workout in before the day gets away from you; (2) You get a midday break from work stress. Lunch workouts have become my favorite and prevent me from spending calories and money.

15. THAT NEW RUNNING WATCH you want? Buy it, but only after you have broken a record like your fastest half marathon.

16. BUDDY UP. Find a “rabbit” to run with. Every so often I get Mike to run with me. He runs an impressive 2 hour 54 minute marathon so pacing myself to keep up with him helps me increase my pace. Trust me I don’t want to look like a wimp to my boyfriend so I push myself not to take any stops.

17. HAVE A DAILY NIKEFULE GOAL. I have a rule, if I come home and my NikeFuel goal is not 5,000 I have to do another workout. It keeps me motivated, it keeps me pushing and it holds me accountable not to slack off during the day if I don’t want to go home and do another workout once I get home. My Nike Kinect training is slacking because of it but right now my focus is running.

18. MAKE A MASSAGE APPOINTMENT for the day of your long run it gives something to look forward to after my long run and it pushes me out the door to get my run in.

19. GET YOURSELF A HEARTY DOG who needs lots of exercise. You'll always have a reason for a daily jog. I want to get a dog so bad but sadly I wouldn't fit one in my apartment.

20. RUN THROUGH A SPRING STORM. It is refreshing and with the wind and rain you are surely to run faster.

21. RUNNING COMMENTARY "A lot of people run a race to see who's fastest. I run to see who has the most guts." --Steve Prefontaine

22. FEEL A NEED FOR SPEED. Sometimes I just need to run to see how fast I can get myself going it is invigorating for me. I take these runs to the rack and run 400 meters 4 times as fast as I can go. It is refreshing to get speed since training for a marathon requires endurance.

23. YOU'LL BE WEARING A BATHING SUIT in another month or so! I remind myself of this every time I want to cut a workout short.

24. GO EARLY. Two-time Olympian Shayne Culpepper says that rather than putting off a run, she'll head out even earlier than usual when she's not in the mood to work out. "If I have that extra cup of coffee or I wait an extra half hour, it becomes too torturous," she says.

25. PAY YOURSELF. When I first started running I was 250 pounds and I hated running so I set a price for attaining a certain weekly mileage goal mine was 10 miles, I was a newbie. When you hit it, pay up I would give myself $10 at the end of the week. Keep your mileage money in a jar, and once it accumulates, buy yourself that new running jacket, shoes, shirt you've been ogling. It makes the mileage totally worth it.

26. ASK A FRIEND TO BIKE alongside you when your running partner isn't available. I have to start doing this more often since I am getting faster than more of my friends and hey they can carry the water.

27. RACE RESULTS STAY ON GOOGLE FOREVER.

28. PROVE YOUR ARE BETTER. I had a bad race at Nike Women’s and I am so excited to prove myself at Calgary Marathon. Not to anyone else just to me.

29. HEAD FOR THE HILLS. I have been told that it is ok to throw a hill workout in in-place of a short run if your body is really beaten down. You can’t run hills lazy you need to put your full body into them. Once I do hill sprints I am excited to get back to just running.

30. RUN FOR A REASON. Do a race for charity TNT is a great charity to run with. They are a guaranteed entry into Nike Women’s Marathon if you are thinking about running that one. Also they provide coaching and run groups to help get you out the door.

31. REMEMBER that you almost always feel better after a run than before it.

32. KEEP A LOG. Nike plus has inspired me to run further and faster. When I see my weekly/monthly/yearly total mileage I want to look at it and be proud. It is what gets me out there when I don’t want to be. Also knowing that I am not in first place on my leader board inspires me to get my run on.

33. DON'T EXPECT EVERY DAY TO BE AMAZING. I am learning that some days will be slower than others, and some days might even hurt a bit. Elizabeth often reminds me that not every run is a race. I always feel horrible about myself if I don’t run at least a sub 8, but you know what not everyone is going to have AMAZING days every day.

34. JUST START. I have days where I think to myself “I don’t want to run today” I make myself run for 10 minutes once I get 10 minutes in I usually finish my run. Just get out there.

35. RUN SOLO and away from the crowds on recovery days. The faster runners on popular routes will make you want to pick up the pace. Alone, you'll be able to listen to your body and reap the recovery you deserve. We all need recovery.

36. THINK YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO RUN? You are wrong. If you have time to facebook, tumblr, tweet you have time to run. Cut something out that you don’t need to be doing and go for 20 minutes. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say they don’t have time. You had time to tell me that, if you have time to make excuses you have time to run.

37. STOP BEING SOCIAL. For me running isn't a social event, especially when I am training. My training partner Jamie knows this and sometimes she tells me when she wants to start up a conversations she will pretend that we are in an actual race. It makes her push harder and in return makes me push harder, she isn't going to beat me.

38. BUY A FULL-LENGTH MIRROR and make sure you look in it every day trust me once you start seeing how running changes your body you won’t be giving up on it.

39. RUNNING COMMENTARY "If I am still standing at the end of the race, hit me with a board and knock me down, because that means I didn't run hard enough." --Steve Jones, former marathon world record holder

40. A HEALTHY RUNNER IS A HAPPY RUNNER. As soon as I feel like I have injured myself I get to my physio’s office. The moment something feels not right, roll it out, stretch it out and if you have to get it looked at. You don’t want something minor to turn into something major.

41. INVEST IN GOOD GEAR. I love having the newest gear from Nike. It encourages me to get out there and get moving. If you are new to running get your gait tested at a specialty store, invest in a good pair of sneakers that are right for you and get some good gear. Dri-fit gear, Nike has a great selection.