Coming Full Circle

This past year has been an astounding ride for me. This week marks exactly one year since I ran my very first marathon, The Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco.

In 11 days I will once again be standing on the start line of the NWM in SF. Nothing is going to be more amazing than to be there with my two wonderful running companions, Karen and Elizabeth.

Last year at this time we were arriving in San Fran ready for the excitement that Nike had waiting for us.

This will be my third marathon ever. I am experiencing extreme burnout. Somewhere along the road this year I lost that love and desire to run and in so many ways that makes me sad and it hurts me because running was my safe place, my haven, my place to go when the world didn't make sense.

Running is what saved me from myself, it is what gave me the courage to pull out of destructive behavior and it is what gave me the courage to be happy and be in love with who I am. The other day a friend said to me maybe you no longer have that same love and joy for running you once did because you no longer need running to survive.

I've made the tough decision to pull back from marathons for the time being. I have not given up on my dream to one day run in the Boston Marathon but at the moment I need a break. A lot has happened in my life in the past year and I believe that right now I need to devote less time to running and more time to other activities that are helping me in my recovery journey.

Lately I have been doing a lot of climbing. There is a rush I get from climbing the side of a mountain. When you get to the summit enjoying the majestic view you could never get from the ground. It’s been an incredible experience and much like running I have been able to learn new things about myself, about my determination, my strength and my love for having new experiences.

I’ll one day return to training for and running marathons and I’ll chase that Boston goal once again but for now I need to step back, reevaluate my goals, make new ones and once again find that love of running.

I am running Nike Women's in San Fran with Teams in Training, are you?

Friday June 14, 2013 marked the last day to enter the lotto for Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco but even if you missed the cut off date you still have the chance to run the Nike Women’s Marathon.

The Nike Women’s Marathon always stands out in my head is a spectacular experience, when I am asked what is one of your favorite memories I can’t wait to tell people about San Fran. Not only is it ran through the beautiful streets of San Francisco but when the course is completed  and you cross that finish line you are greeted with a beautiful necklace from Tiffany’s.

This year I decided that I would not be entering the lotto for Nike Women’s instead I would be joining Teams in Training to run. I did not want the stress of joining the lotto to overcome me and I knew that running Nike Women’s through TNT was a sure fire way for me to get to San Francisco and run the race that has stolen my heart. 

Last year when I was on course during Nike Women’s I was fascinated by all the TNT participants running, it was such a fantastic overwhelming experience to be among all these women in purple running  for one cause to help those people who are fighting cancer. As I watched these women in purple run the course together and help one another through those 26.2 miles I wanted to be part of it, I wanted to be one of these ladies in purple! Seeing coaches on course and having them encourage the runners made me want in.

A marathon can be lonely at times; you are out on the open road alone and to see that these people had people cheering for them every step of the way I wanted that for my marathon experience. As I learned more about TNT and how it supports those who are fighting cancer I realized that there was nothing I wanted more than to be a part of this beautiful organization and earlier this year I signed up to be a TNT participant, this year when I run San Fran I will be one of those ladies in purple running for those who cannot run and I hope you will also join me as I raise money and run miles to fight cancer.

If you are not a lucky lottery winner please don’t give up on running Nike Women’s contact your local TNT chapter and run Nike Women’s with me. 

Calgary Marathon Recap - I am a Sub 4 Marathoner

So May 26, 2013 came and went, the day I ran the Calgary Marathon.

The week leading up to my marathon I had all kinds of emotions floating around, what if I don’t hit my goal, what if I hit my goal, what if I totally flake out and have to take a DNF, what if I don’t even start! My mind was driving me insane!!

Tuesday I woke up and had a really bad sore throat and cough and I was like oh my gosh this can’t be happening to me right now I cannot be getting sick. I spent the week willing myself to be better.

Saturday I went to bed and I surprisingly slept through the night, well after I managed to fall asleep because I think I spent a good two hours having a coughing attack.

Sunday morning I woke and I was nervous as heck. I was having trouble getting food into me and I could hardly tie my shoe laces because my hands kept shacking and I couldn't stop coughing. I made my way down to the start line and all that was going through my head was one foot in front of the other. I found the 3:30 pace bunny and I decided that if I could keep pace with him I would be make my time goal no problem. As the starting gun went off I said to myself “Tiara focus, this is just a run”! As we passed the first km mark I looked down to see my pace and thought to myself oh my gosh this pace bunny is going wayyyy too fast we are running a 7’48” mile. Everything was going great for me on the run until I hit the very first BIG hill and then things started going terribly wrong my left hamstring started cramping up and I was kicking myself for skipping water stations and I was having trouble breathing through my coughing fits! So I made the decision to stop running through the water stations and walk through them to get Gatorade into me instead of all over me. 

Upon coming up on the 10km mark I looked down at my watch and saw that I had slowed down a great deal and was now running an 8’12” and was not on target to hit my Boston Qualifying time rather I was about 2 minutes off from my target time. Instead of beating myself up I told myself that I still had 32 km’s to make up this time and to keep pushing forward. At the halfway point I looked at my time and I realized that I was 6 minutes off my Boston pace and this caused me to have a little bit of a break down, or a 5 minute cry session. I started crying right there in the middle of the race and almost decided to pull out because I was not going to hit my goal and then somewhere deep down my own voice was yelling at me “Tiara you have this, you are still on pace to run a sub 4 marathon and even better you are still going to set a personal best for yourself” I forced myself to keep running. As my body started to fatigue and as it wanted to give up I told myself keep running you will hit a water station in 3 km’s and you can walk through it but you have to keep running to the next water station.

As I entered Memorial drive my common lunch time running area I had 10km’s left to go and I said to myself “Tiara this is your area, this is where you need to own the race” I knew my legs were sore and I knew I wanted to stop running so I started biting my lip to focus the pain elsewhere and I kept pushing myself. I made it through Memorial and had 3km’s left to go when a TNT coach came up to me grabbed me by the hand and told me I was doing great, I started crying and said “I needed to finish 5 minutes ago to hit my time goal” he said "I know you did but you know what keep running because you are going to PB and that is the most important thing, today wasn’t your day but maybe tomorrow is, there is always another run”. 

As I entered my last two km’s I so badly wanted to just walk the rest of the way and someone from behind me came put her hand on my back and said “I have been chasing you almost the entire way, you are my motivation and my inspiration keep running because you are going to sub 4 this” and all of a sudden I hit a second wind and my legs wanted to move. As I entered the finishing shoot I saw my mom standing there waving at me and cheering me on and I knew I had the drive in me to do a sub 4. As I crossed the finish line I looked at my time and it read 3:57:55 and I was disappointed in myself for not hitting my BQ but also so proud of myself for finishing a marathon in under 4 hours.

As the results rolled in yesterday I realized that I had finished in the top 10 in my division and was even more proud of myself. Top 10 finish in my division is incredible.

One aspect of the Calgary Marathon I loved was that our name was wrote on our bibs so as we were running through the communities and people were out on their lawns cheering us on you would hear a random “Go Tiara” “You got this Tiara” “Run Strong Tiara” and hearing my name it would push me to push harder and faster!! It was great community support and it made me love Calgary even more.

Now it is time to refocus my goals and push to Boston Qualify in Edmonton on August 25. It’ll be my last chance to qualify for Boston for 2014 and I am even more determined now to hit this goal. I have the endurance I know I can run the 26.2 miles now it is time to work on maintaining my speed!

Do you have any advice for me as I start training for Edmonton? Have you qualified for Boston, if so what advice can you give me for race day? Or even for training?

Hope you continue joining me on this wonderful journey to Boston. 

Running Saved My Life

Last week marked 4 years of me using Nike Plus!! 4 years, that means that for 4 years I have been a runner!! Can you believe it because I can’t. I never in a million years thought I would end up being a runner, I thought running was for crazy people because why run when you can swim!!

I have come a long way in 4 years. I remember when I first received the Nike plus chip it seemed so scary and controlling, and I had my share of scary and controlling at that point. Why did I need something to track my runs, can’t I do that myself!! I realize that the Nike Plus chip held me accountable to getting out there and getting active, it got me out there to run when I wanted to sit on my couch in my PJ’s and watch another re-run of Sex in the City and pretend I was Carrie – yes I was that girl.

I have recently gone back to look at my very first running stats on NikePlus, back when I used to think that 3 miles was a long run and ran a 10’50” mile. I really have come a long way. A short run for me is now 4 miles and I no longer run a 10’50” mile I am more a sub 8 mile these days. Nike plus just didn't help me lose weight and look better I believe that it saved my life!! Not Nike plus but running!!

Nike plus gave me the motivation to get myself out the door. These past 11 months; training for my first marathon – thank you Nike Women and Marie Purvis to opening my eyes to marathon training - training to Boston qualify has saved me from myself.

At the age of 12 I began to suffered from an eating disorder of some type - anorexia, bulimia, binge eating - and I believe that a small part of me has always suffered from body dysmorphia, even at a very young age.

Growing up aboriginal didn't help me with my body dysmorphia, if anything it made it BIGGER than it already was. I grew up in a very white community where all the girls were beautiful with blond hair and blue eyes they all looked like movie stars and Barbie dolls and I always thought I wasn't as beautiful as these girls, I thought beauty was being blonde with blue eyes. I remember approaching a group of girls at recess one day and I politely said “Can I play trolls with you” – my parents always gave me the newest toy so I would be able to fit in with my peers – they looked at me and said “we only play with girls who have hair down to their shoulders, and your hair is longer than that so we can’t play with you” – at that time my hair was down to my waist. I went home and cried for hours I was so miserable, this is the first time I actually remember looking in the mirror and thinking I was ugly and not good enough– I was in grade 2. This is the first time I can remember judging my body!! 

Growing up in this small town also had its advantages, such as everyone being super athletic!! In grade school we were learning about track and field in gym class and this got me super excited!! I often watched the Olympics and track and field was a favorite of mine. Everyone was very athletic and awesome but I have always had a drive to be the BEST!! We were running our very first 400 meter race and I remember running and winning the race!! I had never felt so awesome, I remember a few of the girls glaring at me but I also remember a few of them coming over to congratulate me. This is when I realized that being good at sports was my key to success and to surviving the means girls in school.

May will mark 12 months, 1 year, 365 days that I will have gone without cutting myself out of despair and hate for my body, purging because I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw, or starving myself in hopes of becoming thinner!! May will mark the first year of a new me a me that is learning to love her body – not because it is perfect because it is far from perfect and not because I look like a Victoria Secret model or even like a fitness model but because it can accomplish wonderful amazing feats such as running a marathon, running a sub 6 mile for 3 miles, running a 1:26 half, doing 133 high knees in 60 seconds. I have a body that loves her friends and family so much, that has so much to give and so much to learn.

Learning to love my body has been a rough journey and there have been many bumps in the road. This year I am not only learning to love my body but I am learning to love my heart and my soul, I am learning to love who I was born to be -  a wonderful aboriginal women who has so much experience to share.  

I am going to stumble, I have a few times. I have stood my in bathroom mirror and have hated on myself, I have stepped off the scale and hated on myself for the number but I have also counteracted that hate with a run because when I am running I feel free and powerful and there is nothing or nobody who can take that away from me. 

I recently saw a picture that said "Want to change your body exercise, if you want to change your life become a runner"! Running has truly changed my life, for the better.

Boston Marathon - Finding Sunlight in Darkness

Yesterday afternoon as I returned back to work from my 5 mile run I noticed that my cell phone was going off like crazy and I did not understand why. I sort of ignored this and continued on with my run but as I entered my companies gym I noticed the TV was on and I saw the Boston Marathon and what appeared to be smoke coming from the finish line.

I immediately panicked a little as I personally knew people running the marathon and I also had twitter friends runner.

As I watched this madness unfold my heart sank and I began to cry as I was deeply saddened that someone would attack something as wholesome and beautiful as a marathon.

A marathon is a time when people from all countries, nationalities and socioeconomic backgrounds to compete in friendly competition. I remember my first marathon and I remember making conversation with some of the people running by me and we talked about where we were from and what type of training we did. Nobody was there to tear another person down or to think you were better than someone. We were there because we trained for months and now we were celebrating our training.

Yesterday someone attacked the Boston marathon. For whatever reason I don’t know, I don’t know if we will ever know. I don’t feel like someone just attacked a group of runners I feel like someone attacked my family.

In the midst of heartache and tragedy the love of humans came out. I saw so many tweets of people in Boston who offered up their homes and restaurants who were offering food to people. I spoke with a friend this morning who said that a lady came out of her house with blankets and coats for runners who had been stopped outside of her house, she didn't want them to go hypothermic from stopping so abruptly. I read of stories of runners continuing on to the hospital to donate blood, so many runners came that they were turning people away. These stories made my heart swell because sometimes we are left to wonder do humans still care for one another and this proves that we do. 

These last 24 hours I have been asked multiple times “do you still want to run Boston” my answer is “Yes, this makes me want to run Boston even more!” 

Alvina Begay a Nike N7 ambassador tweeted last night “If you’re trying to defeat the human spirit, marathoners are the wrong group to target.” This is why I will continue to strive for my dream to run Boston. This tragic incident has made me more determined to reach my goal and to run Boston. Runners of the world must stand united and stand strong at this time let us be empowered by this senseless act and remember what we run for!! 

What Nike Spring Essentials I will be Getting

Spring is in the air and that means new Nike styles are out. This season my must have list is as follows:

The Nike Pro Printed Sports Bra! Who doesn't love a good print!!? I know this girl does!! I love it!! One of my goals this summer is to have abs defined enough to run in sports bra and who wouldn't want to show this beauty off!?!?!?

The Nike Vapor Epic Women's shirt! This is hot. I saw Lakey Peterson wearing one in her NTC app and now I want one. It's cute stylish and could be worn to a campfire at night.

These shorts are so CUTE they are the Nike Icon Woven Print shorts. I want in my wardrobe so bad! 

The Nike Mix and Match Art Women's Training Shirt. I have always wanted to be a beach girl! I think this is what draws me to this shirt so much. It's stylish and will look hot with a sports bra under it. 

I am off to do some damage on my credit card. Hope these give you some inspiration for what should be in your closet as spring arrives.

Training Runs are Learning Runs

Yesterday marked April 1 and that means that my marathon is slowly creeping up on me. In so many ways I am nervous. I have set myself up for a pretty big goal and I don't want to be disappointed in myself. Boston is an extraordinary dream for me.

I keep having this recurring dream where I am running the Calgary Full and I get lost on the course and I find my way back after about a mile but I am crossing the finish line and the time on the timer says “3:35:02” I just fall into a heap of tears on the ground because I missed my qualifying time by 2 one hundredths of a second. All that hard work down the drain.

I am learning to trust in my training. This past weekend I ran my furthest distance since running my first full in October. I ran 19 miles!!

The night before my run I was really nervous, due to my calf injury I was out for a week and so I lowered my carb intake to accommodate this. My first few runs back were kind of tough but I still managed a sub 8 on both of them. My physio and I decided that I wouldn't be running any of my long distances at a sub 8 rather a sub 9 to prevent any further complications with my calf.

200 miles even with a week of no running

I set out for my 19 miles Saturday morning with the sun at my back and knowing that Lauren would be waiting for me at mile 13 to run the last 5 miles with me. Going out I had to stop a few times due to tightness in my calf but nothing serious. I was still running a 8’16”/average mile and was happy with this. It won’t get me a Boston but I know I would run faster on race day.

On our way back Lauren and I hit the HUGE hill in Sandy Beach and normally I can run this hill but this time I had to walk it and from this point on I felt sick and exhausted. I was nauseous and my body was starting to get really cold even though it was beautiful outside. My watch was still ticking away at the time and I didn't want to ruin my average pace so I kept trekking along with Lauren at my side. Around a mile out my watch died and so did I. The wall was too thick for me to break through and I had no other choice but to walk the remaining distances.

Phone died at mile 15.6, where I was getting weak.

I was disappointed with myself and a little angry for not being strong enough to make it through the entire 19 miles. I was mad that I allowed myself to hit the wall, but training runs are training runs. They are not just for training our bodies to run the distance but they are also training for us to learn how to hydrate and fuel properly.

I learned that after mile 17 shot bloks are no longer useful for me. I start taking shot bloks within the first 20 minutes of a run and thereafter every 20-30 minutes I take in blok. This was working for me on my 17 mile less runs but it didn't work for this last run. I think on these longer runs I need more than just shot bloks. This week I am going to cut a bagel up into bite size pieces and when I take a shot blok I will also take a piece of bagel. Hopefully this gives me the energy to fully get through my 20 mile run.

As for hydration, I have no idea why I got so dehydrated. I take in about 2-3 sips of water every mile or so. I allow myself to take water when I need it, but when I got Lauren at the tech shop I was salty and when I got back to the car I was super salty. Meho said I looked kind of like a refuge with the salt caked on my body. I need to find a way to replenish the salt I am losing on these long runs because I only carry water in my camel back but I know I should be in taking electrolytes also.

These runs are learning experiences and for every failure I have on a long run I will turn into a success on race day. 

I have to thank Lauren for getting me through those last 5. They were slow and not very promising but she pulled me through!! I am glad to have such awesome friend. 

What works for you on long runs? What type of energy do you intake? What type of fuel do you use and ho

w often do you hydrate? Leave me a comment or a tweet @TiaraBeth.