Time to Heal

It’s been a long time since I posted.. basically over a year.

I’ve gone through so much this past year. Torn ankle ligament, torn meniscus and torn hip flexor - these injuries have thrown a huge wrench in my training; but my biggest wrench occured In July 2014 - when I was sexually assaulted.

It feels freeing to finally admitted it, finally speak it! I don’t think I’ve actually spoken those words officially since the day I met with the investigator. I think I was so afraid to say them because I would fear people would think differently of me, I feared people would look at me like I was broken, fragile, frail. I want you to know I'm not broken but I'm strong. 

I believe being sexually assaulted prevented me from running more than my injuries did. It hurt more than tearing any ligament in my body. It hurt more than breaking any bone. It hurt my heart and soul.

As you runners understand running is mental; you hit a distance and you get a flood of emotion, you feel every hurt, every up, every down, every tinge of pain. Your emotions are heightened. Feeling this prevented me from running anything more than 4 miles. 

I don’t want to get into all the details. I’m still not ready to talk about that nor do I think I ever will be  fully ready.

What I want to discuss is healing, my healing.

I felt so terribly broken. I felt destroyed. I felt violated. I felt that all the goodness in me had been taken away. I felt so unhappy. Yet I hid this away from the everyone, I put a smile on my face daily and continued life as you all know it but deep inside a darkness was taking over my happy place and making me feel worthless, small.

That day I changed, I became a different person. Someone stole a piece of me I’ll never be able to get back. They stole a happiness that lives in me. They stole my self worth.

One year ago I learned that not all people are good people but there is still good people in the world.

These past few weeks I’ve managed to lace up my running shoes more often and I’ve even tackled a 10 mile run.

I’ve decided it's time to get back out there and I'm currently training for a full marathon .. I’m ready to put this past year behind me and get out on the trails again.

My runs have been nothing less than emotional but in the emotion I'm finding joy. In the pain I'm finding relief. I'm finally starting to admit what happened to me and I truly believe admitting it is the first step in moving past it. 

I am getting back to the person I once was. The happy, determined, fun Tiara. 

Day 14 - 30 Day Challenge

What was your favorite race you've run?

My favorite race to run is most defiantly the Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco, I don’t think any race will be able to compare to this race especially the memories I made on this race. It was also my first marathon and our first anything always sticks with us the most.

The Nike Women’s Marathon was my very first marathon and I ran it as a Nike Women’s Ambassador along with Karen, Elizabeth, Nerissa and Renisha. My Sisters In Nike!!

Nike Women hosted us in San Fran and we stayed at an amazing hotel in the heart of downtown, Sir Francis Drake.

If you ever plan on running the Nike Women’s Marathon make sure you stay downtown close to the expo and NikeTown. The expo is amazing. Saturday morning Karen and I woke up and got to the expo for the opening, it fills up rather fast. We sampled Nuun hydration tabs and I found my favorite one, the iced tea. I have a love of coffee and having this one really helps me push my runs, maybe it is the tiny but of caffeine in it. We also stood in line to get makeovers from Neutrogena and get our hair done by Paul Mitchell but we were running out of time so this didn't happen, even though it would have been pretty cool. The expo for Nike Women’s Marathon is amazing!!

The Nike Women’s Marathon course is a rather hilly to run, if you plan on running it make sure you have hill training done, they are totally do-able but it is far off from being a flat course. 

One of my favorite parts was running through this community after coming up the big hill. I didn't have any friends on course cheering me on and there is so many people outside their houses cheering you on, it was really cool to have encouragement. I also had this habit of queen waving at random people, it made me feel like I had people on course cheering for me haha. 

I remember this one kid was dressed up as Spider-man and he was handing out candy to the runners going by, I thought it was super cute. It was also nice to get something sweet in you along the course he was located around mile 14ish and it was a great pick me up.

There were also awesome signs on course, one of my favorites was "You are NOT almost there" at mile 1. I laughed however if he had that at mile 22 I would have been sad. I also saw one that said "I bought you a car, you can stop running now" I love the encouragement you get on a marathon route, it is nothing like a 10k run. 

The course ends along the ocean. As you run the ocean is on your right side. I wanted nothing more than to run off course and jump in the ocean but that probably wasn't the best idea at the time so I  talked myself out of it.

As you finish the course and come into the finishers shoot and cross that line you are met by the San Fran firemen handing you the coveted Tiffany’s necklace. Honestly, I didn't care about the firemen all I wanted was food and that necklace. 

I think the Tiffany’s necklace is a huge item that sets Nike Women’s Marathon apart from other races out there. It is something I wear often and reminds me of the goal I set for myself and the goal I accomplished. I look at it and it reminds me of the friendships forged that weekend and the memories made. 

I am excited to run Nike Women’s Marathon again in October. Hope to see you there and run it with you!!

Day 3 and 4 - 30 Day Run Challenge

3. What ultimate running goal would you like to accomplish?

My ultimate running goal is to qualify for Boston. It’s my dream!! I am running the Calgary marathon in May with hopes to qualify. For me to do that I have to run my full in under 3:35. I am aiming for a 3:30 time with a pace of 8 minutes per mile. Totally do-able right!! Right!!

My main focus is to push even when my body starts to hurt. I already know I can run a full, but can I run a full in under 3:30!!

During training I am focusing on a lot of tempo runs and speed work. I am working on pushing through even though I want to walk. Let’s face it, our legs give out long before our hearts do and when my legs say they are done that is when the heart has to pick up the slack.

What advice do you have for training for a Boston Qualifier?

4. Tell us about your first race or when you plan to start!

My very first run race was when I was in grade 5. I grew up in a town that was very athletic focused. I remember running the 400m and coming in 1^st.Than I remember running the 200m and coming in 3rd. I ran up to my mom and was like "Momma, Momma!! I came in 3rd"!! She looked at me and said "THIRD!!" in a very disgusted tone, lol. At the time I didn't think anything of it all I said was "I know I need to run harder" My mom said all these people stopped and looked at her "she patted my head and was like oh 3rd good" haha. I come from a very competitive family! I was so happy and excited!! It was my very first taste of real racing. I went on to be in the Summer Games that year but not long after that I took up competitive in swimming and that quickly became my life.

Since running in 2009 my most recent race is the Mother’s Day 10km. It was the first time I ran a real race in a long time. It was in 2011. I ran the race in 54:13 and there was nothing I was more proud of than crossing that finish line! It my was my moment. Even though I never trained for the race I think I performed pretty decent.