Election Is Over Time to Run Again

Many of you have asked me what I’ve been up to the past few months. You’ve noticed my running post have decreased in number and you’ve seen more and more pictures of me knocking doors in red. 

My mom has always loved the Liberal Party and back in 2004 she got me involved with Gerry Byrne, the former MP in Corner Brook, Newfoundland. On that day politics stole my heart, I knew I would never be a girl who didn’t vote. 

This July I had the wonderful opportunity of meeting a zealous person by the name of Matt Grant! Upon our first meeting I was instantly hooked. Matt is dedicated, hardworking and incredibly focused. He has great ambitions and I’m forever thankful I was able to have a small part of them. 

I started knocking on doors with Matt before the writ dropped, we all knew it was coming it was only a matter of when. He instantly made me feel like a welcomed member of the team. Majority of my life I struggled to fit in with groups of people, I often felt ostracized because of my ethnic background but I never once felt nothing less than a team member around the Matt Grant team.

As a team we worked hard everyday and on the days I felt tired, cranky or like I no longer wanted to be out knocking doors Matt’s infectious energy gripped me and made me push harder for a better Canada. I am forever grateful that Canada has people who desire to make a difference.

Matt has changed the lives of so many people, he’ll continue to do so. I am so sad this crazy ride is over but in a few years when Matt decides to do this again again you can bet I’ll be there by his side, knocking doors with a smile on my face. Until that time comes there will be a lot of running post from me again. 

Time to Heal

It’s been a long time since I posted.. basically over a year.

I’ve gone through so much this past year. Torn ankle ligament, torn meniscus and torn hip flexor - these injuries have thrown a huge wrench in my training; but my biggest wrench occured In July 2014 - when I was sexually assaulted.

It feels freeing to finally admitted it, finally speak it! I don’t think I’ve actually spoken those words officially since the day I met with the investigator. I think I was so afraid to say them because I would fear people would think differently of me, I feared people would look at me like I was broken, fragile, frail. I want you to know I'm not broken but I'm strong. 

I believe being sexually assaulted prevented me from running more than my injuries did. It hurt more than tearing any ligament in my body. It hurt more than breaking any bone. It hurt my heart and soul.

As you runners understand running is mental; you hit a distance and you get a flood of emotion, you feel every hurt, every up, every down, every tinge of pain. Your emotions are heightened. Feeling this prevented me from running anything more than 4 miles. 

I don’t want to get into all the details. I’m still not ready to talk about that nor do I think I ever will be  fully ready.

What I want to discuss is healing, my healing.

I felt so terribly broken. I felt destroyed. I felt violated. I felt that all the goodness in me had been taken away. I felt so unhappy. Yet I hid this away from the everyone, I put a smile on my face daily and continued life as you all know it but deep inside a darkness was taking over my happy place and making me feel worthless, small.

That day I changed, I became a different person. Someone stole a piece of me I’ll never be able to get back. They stole a happiness that lives in me. They stole my self worth.

One year ago I learned that not all people are good people but there is still good people in the world.

These past few weeks I’ve managed to lace up my running shoes more often and I’ve even tackled a 10 mile run.

I’ve decided it's time to get back out there and I'm currently training for a full marathon .. I’m ready to put this past year behind me and get out on the trails again.

My runs have been nothing less than emotional but in the emotion I'm finding joy. In the pain I'm finding relief. I'm finally starting to admit what happened to me and I truly believe admitting it is the first step in moving past it. 

I am getting back to the person I once was. The happy, determined, fun Tiara. 

16 Things Every Runner Knows is True

1. Waking up early enough to run before work to beat the heat is essential. Otherwise if you tan like me you look like a long lost Cosby sibling by July.

2. Not everyone likes to race, I love to race but there’s only one way to find out if you’re the kind of person who likes running races: sign up for one.

3. The smallest blister can ruin your whole run.

4. Colorful shoes don’t actually make you faster — but they sure as feel like they do.

5. You’re only going to want to talk about running. Better find runner friends before everyone else hates you.

6. Runger is real. Runger is vicious. Sometimes the only way to survive is to give in.

7. If you’re doing this to be model thin, you’re never going to get there. Doing this for muscles, however, is a nice side effect.

8. Nobody else cares how fast or slow you’re going.

9. Even if you’ve been running for years, every once in a while there’s just going to be a run that blows.

10. If you take a few weeks or even a few months off, getting back in the groove of things is going to feel like the toughest thing you've ever done. 

11. Winter running is possible. 

12. Where all the public restrooms are in any given vicinity. Someone can say let's run in this part of the city and I have to figure out where all the bathrooms are. 

13. How to deal with black toenails, muscle cramps, shin splints, thigh chafe, and everything else in between.

14. The magic union that is finding the right shoe for you — and the utter betrayal you feel when the manufacturer either discontinues it or changes its design.

15. How strangely, the fitter you get, the harder it is to find jeans that fit right. My legs get small and I can only find jeans in teenage stores.

16. And often, the hardest part of a run is lacing up and getting out of the door. Once you have your headphones in and your music on, everything else falls into place.

Why I Love to Run

I have always been a decent athlete. In high school, I swam competitively and loved it. 

After university, when sports became more of a hobby I stopped being physically active.

One day I realized that I didn't have to sit in a gym crowded gym with broken equipment and people I didn't really like so I took to the pavement. I can’t run the fastest or the farthest and I never will, but I love running, it frees me.

I love that it gives me a chance to be outside on a gorgeous day. After eight hours in the office sitting in a chair all day, I finally get to enjoy the sun and fresh air even if it is for less than an hour. It’s so much better than sitting and watching TV for hours until I go to bed.

I love strapping on my Nike Running watch putting my shoes on and hitting the pavement, it's therapeutic. I get to think about whatever I want. I work out solutions to my problems or just recap my day.

I love that it makes me feel good. Endorphin's are no joke. I always feel a little sad when a run is over but I do feel happier. I catch the runners high about once a week and I chase after that euphoric feeling again and again.

I love the sense of accomplishment after completing a run. Whether it’s after a lunch time jog or a marathon with people cheering you on at the finish line, you got out there and did it. Maybe it wasn't the longest or fastest or farthest you've ever run, but maybe next time will be.

I know I’ll never win a marathon, though it’s no secret I would love to, but who said you have to be the greatest at something to do it? Paint a crappy picture, sing off-key, or dance like a maniac. Don’t do it for the likes on Facebook or to be judged. Do it because it’s what you enjoy. Run because you love it, and because you’re running for yourself. Nobody else. At the end, it’ll always just be you, the road and a good pair of running shoes.

Running has Taught Me About Life

For anyone that knows me well, you know that running is my life and recently I've had a few set backs. I just found out that I have a bacterial infection in my body that I have been fighting for about 4 months and didn't know it!

I've always been the girl who loves to go out with her friends and still gets up for a run the next day, I've always been the girl with way too much energy! I've always been the girl you see on the running trail with a HUGE smile on my face as I run the miles.

These past few months I've been struggling to get my run in, I've been struggling to get through even a mile. After running for more than 30 minutes I feel tired and exhausted, I thought this was just my body telling me that I needed to push harder .. was I wrong. 

Over the past few months I've been battling the beast that is distance running, these past few months as I’ve had to push myself through miles and as I've had heartbreak over running I've learned valuable lessons about myself out on the trails, bike paths, and sidewalks something that I would never learn in a classroom – lessons that not only contribute to better and more successful running, but to everyday life as well. Here’s just a handful of the lessons I’ve learned over the past few months of pounding the pavement.

It's a great stress reliever

We all deal with stress differently, before I became a runner I would cry and yell and scream and cry some more and than fall asleep. Whatever works for you is great but this was not very effective. Then I found running. Discovering  your city can really cure a bad day. Even if you’re not a runner, this can be used for you as well: try a new coffee place, take a different route home. I promise, it’ll do wonders.

You are your strongest competitor and your most respected cheerleader

Nobody is going to tell you that you need to get out the door; you are going to be the only person that gets you out there. It doesn’t matter if you’re struggling through your longest run or you’re preparing yourself for that presentation that could possibly launch your career, your inner voice is going to be the one that yells at you to fight, to perform, to be your best. Because no matter what, other people are going to tell you it’s okay, you did your best. No one knows you better than yourself. You know if you’ve given your all, if you’ve completely given yourself to the challenge at hand. There have been times when I know I haven’t given my all but people will still tell me “Tiara, you did great!” you are the only person that knows better.

The right pair of shoes can change your life

This one’s pretty straight-forward from a running standpoint. If you don’t have the pair of running shoes that fit your feet and provide the much needed support, you’re basically begging for an injury, trust me I’ve been there! I’ve witnessed this in everyday life as well – as a woman, the right pair of shoes will carry you wherever it is you desire to go, a great example is Cinderella. It’s all about the confidence the shoe gives you. Slip into the right pair of running shoes and you can run a marathon; slip on the right pair of heels and you’re definitely going to nail that project.

Facing challenges is the most empowering experience out there.

Whether the challenge is your long run or not, take a second and think about the last time you felt truly empowered. Was it when your boyfriend told you that you looked good today? Was it when your roommate told you that the apartment needs cleaned? Was it when your friend complimented your shoes? I can guarantee it wasn’t. I would be willing to bet that the last time you felt empowered was when you overcame a challenge yourself and achieved something that you did not think possible. If it’s taking on an six mile run instead of five or finally asking your boss for a raise, only you can push yourself to face the challenges that come in the fine print of life

Reflection

As I take this week and I prepare myself to run my third marathon I have taken the time to reflect upon the past year and what it has brought me.

It’s true I went through some pretty rough times this past year, M moved out of our apartment and I for the first time ever I found myself living on my own and this was a very scary thought to me since I have always had a roommate. Much to my surprise I enjoy the freedom of living on my own.  

Though this year brought me hardships and heartbreak it also brought me amazing friends and new experiences.

I truly believe that I got through all the hardships that were thrown at me this past year because of running and the friends I have made through running. Running instilled in me the confidence and determination I needed to make it through this past year.  

There were so many days I found myself laying on my bathroom floor crying my eyes out in full backslide mode and then I would look at my running shoes and they would be screaming at me to put them on and I would go for a run and my head would be more clear and my heart would be less heavy. There were days I would run until no more tears could fall from my eyes. Running was my safe place, my haven.

Now as I set out on my third marathon I find my heart heavy again. Not because of sadness this time but because of joy, pure joy from the support I am getting from every one of you. It is because of your support, your love and your acceptance that I have been able to push forward through this year and come out on top.

I can’t wait to cross the finish line at Nike again. Not just because of the firefighters or because of the Tiffany’s necklace but because of that feeling of joy you can only get from accomplishing a task months in the making. It is true what they say, running is a lesson in life because you get out of it what you put in.

See you all on the start line.  

Coming Full Circle

This past year has been an astounding ride for me. This week marks exactly one year since I ran my very first marathon, The Nike Women’s Marathon in San Francisco.

In 11 days I will once again be standing on the start line of the NWM in SF. Nothing is going to be more amazing than to be there with my two wonderful running companions, Karen and Elizabeth.

Last year at this time we were arriving in San Fran ready for the excitement that Nike had waiting for us.

This will be my third marathon ever. I am experiencing extreme burnout. Somewhere along the road this year I lost that love and desire to run and in so many ways that makes me sad and it hurts me because running was my safe place, my haven, my place to go when the world didn't make sense.

Running is what saved me from myself, it is what gave me the courage to pull out of destructive behavior and it is what gave me the courage to be happy and be in love with who I am. The other day a friend said to me maybe you no longer have that same love and joy for running you once did because you no longer need running to survive.

I've made the tough decision to pull back from marathons for the time being. I have not given up on my dream to one day run in the Boston Marathon but at the moment I need a break. A lot has happened in my life in the past year and I believe that right now I need to devote less time to running and more time to other activities that are helping me in my recovery journey.

Lately I have been doing a lot of climbing. There is a rush I get from climbing the side of a mountain. When you get to the summit enjoying the majestic view you could never get from the ground. It’s been an incredible experience and much like running I have been able to learn new things about myself, about my determination, my strength and my love for having new experiences.

I’ll one day return to training for and running marathons and I’ll chase that Boston goal once again but for now I need to step back, reevaluate my goals, make new ones and once again find that love of running.