My Struggle with Popular Media

I love have a little addiction to tumblr, it can be a very motivational website. It’s like an online get fit community where you encourage each other and push each other to eat healthier, run faster, workout harder.  It can also be a very scary place. This all depends on what hashtags you are using.

I recently stumbled upon #thinspo. Thinspo is one of those scary hashtags. It’s a site for girls people, because lets be honest the world is now telling guys how to look, who want to get skinny. Not just thin but anorexia thin. 

Some people on the site also use tags such as #proana and #promia. If you are not up to date on the lingo this is Pro Anorexia and Pro Bulimia.

This scared me. I was like there is a site out there that encourages anorexia and bulimia, why? Why would we want to encourage this? I thought to myself, we are not just encouraging this through tumblr, we are also encouraging this through TV and movies. I can't turn on the TV without seeing someone who is size 2 and throwing this into my face.

We are not educated about anorexia and bulimia. When I was 12 years old and I started starving myself was I aware that in 14 years I would have medical issues pop up because of my struggle with anorexia. No, I didn't think about that, I only thought about being thin. The girls on TV won't tell you that either, they will just show you the glamours life they live.

Recently I had blood test done. It was my yearly check-up time so I didn’t think anything of it. Until I got my test results back and the test said I have a kidney issue. I HAVE A KIDNEY ISSUE because back when I was 12 years old I wanted to look like Britney Spears because up until a year ago I wanted nothing more but to be thin because I thought being thin was the most important thing in the world. 

We don’t educate our young people, or our older people. We throw people in their face like Britney Spears, Karli Kloss or pretty much any other Hollywood actress. Tell them that this is perfection and tell them that this is what they need to strive to be to get the perfect job, find the perfect husband and have the perfect kids.

I recently read a statistic that thinner people get paid 20% more than their overweight co-worker. So great I put on a few pounds go to a job interview and guess what I am not getting the job because I don't look as good as the size two model looking girl, who doesn't have the same skill set as me, but because she is thin and beautiful she gets the job.

We don’t just get it thrown at us at a young age and then all of a sudden when we are 30 these feeling go away, no we have different women thrown at us now the Angelina Jolies, the Madonna’s. In our middle age we are told we are supposed to look young and perfect. Than when we hit our 60’s when we think we are finally free of the chains of society we are not we are told to look like Angelica Houston, Meryl Streep. 

When does it end, it doesn't. From the moment we are born until the day we die we are pushed to look a certain way.

We need to teach our young girls and ourselves to love, not other people (that is obvious) but love who they are first. If I loved myself as much as I was in love with being thin would I have fell into that hole. Probably not. I would have been happy with who I am. We need to love who we are flaws and all. Media isn’t going away and the internet is going to be an even scarier place so we need to learn to love ourselves no matter what.

If I could write a letter to my 12 year old self and bring it back for her to find it I would tell her to learn to love herself, to value who she is. I would tell her the negative effects of not eating. I would tell her that starving herself is not the answer. I would tell her that she is beautiful the way she is and though she doesn’t see how beautiful she is other people do. It’s like a butterfly, they can’t see how beautiful their wings are but everyone else can. I would tell her that there is so much more to life than being thin.

Unfortunately I can’t go back in time and talk to myself and I will forever live with what I have done to my body but hopefully I can save someone else out there from hurting their self.  

Fortunately my kidney issues are not yet serious and they will not affect my stander of life. I have to watch them and get blood test often to ensure that they don't get worst. I am a lucky one other people are not so lucky.

I used to be afraid of food. Today I am still afraid of some foods but I know that I must eat to be strong and to fuel my body. My body cannot work without me giving it the proper nutrients. Today I am fighting my eating disorder and I am winning. I know that everyday is a battle with myself and food but I have gained my life back. I think it is because I have new role models. Women who are strong and who I am happy to look up to.

Happy Training.